All together now.

So I don't really know what to think at the moment. I want to go, but at the same time I don't. I really don't know how I feel about the whole situation. I think it will be hard, and wierd for me to go threw something like that. Just the fact that she will be around makes me feel uncomfortable...I'm understanding with what is going on. And the reason I'm taking it so well is because honestly, I expected nothing. I didn't really expect anything to happen, and I'm glad I didn't, but if I was expecting this to happen, why does it still hurt?

The human brain and emotions are a crazy thing, and at times it drives me up the wall. I try not to get too attached to people, because when I do, I normally get let down. I just want someone who is going to treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I treat people (girls I like in particular) with the up most respect. Maybe I'am too nice. But thats who I'am, Its in my nature to want to make people happy. I know now when to draw the line, but it still doesn't stop me from making people happy. I tell people what they want to hear alot to avoid a fight or any kind of confrontation. I will apologize in a fight even if it wasn't my fault. But do I get it in return? No.

I'm so sick of putting my all into things and getting nothing in return.

I'm honestly really tired of being single. I mean, I don't mind it to a certian extent, but I just really need to have the feeling of being wanted, or loved by someone else. I have SO much that I can give, my heart is always full. I want to share all these feelings I have bottled up inside me with someone who will appreciate them. Why do I feel so ickish? ugh. I never go out looking for love, ever. It always finds its way to ME. I have only been truthfully in love once. And in the begging it was real, it was real for me, and I know it was real for her. Im pretty annoyed that she would give all that up because she decided she didn't want to be tied down.

I'm tired of people like that. Girls really can be heartless.
I want sooo much, but I need even more.

Maybe Im just needy? Or maybe Im just longing to have someone stick by myside threw all the good and the bad? Have someone who won't give up everytime things get tough. Who will put there 100% into the relationship and meet me half way.


I'm still leaving in a few months, ust ecause I need to get out of here, and I want to take the chance. Honestly it will be hard, but i have will power, and it will hurt to know that Im still wanting something I can't have, but what can you do? Live with it.